it has been rumored lately, around the gym where I workout a lot, that I am a “sad” person. Of course nobody ever comes and tells me in person or offers me a hug if I look blue. Which I think anybody who thinks a person looks sad should do. Not tell someone behind my back.

You see if you came to talk to me I could share with you the rest of the story. This sad look on my face might not be what you think it is. It could be my determined – get through the pain – look on my face.

Pain? Yes. Pain. 13 years ago, I survived bacterial meningitis, which left some nerve damage in my lower back and legs. The doctors told me that I was lucky to be alive (I’ll save that for another blog post). Surviving meningitis and losing only part of my hearing and having some nerve damage makes me feel truly blessed. I have come a long way from having to have a strap around my middle so the nurses could hold me up when I walked – to being in a wheelchair and extensive physical therapy so I could regain my balance to running 10k’s today.

If I’m not smiling at you when I’m climbing stairs or on a treadmill – don’t take it personally. It’s just my determination face.  I like feeling fit but boy howdy, sometimes it really hurts. Sure beats the alternative of being obese and sickly though.

I don’t tell many people cuz I don’t want sympathy. Trust me I sympathize enough for myself – and sometimes when I know I have to get on the stairs – or run a few miles – it is hard – cuz I know the pain it will cost me. (Thank God for Omega 3’s) I am the Queen of Excuses – anything to avoid pain. In the end it all works out and I have made it through another workout – another run – another race – I have crossed the finish line and I give a prayer of thanks that God still lets me use my legs.

If it comes across to you as me being negative… Then come talk to me – face to face.

But there you have it. The rest of the story and why you see me at the gym – not smiling – not always – I have good days and bad days like everyone – but determined? Very.

I could always use a hug

Determined Face

 Smiling through the pain face